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A Tattoo Artist Not only will I get free tattoos, but he will be covered in tattoos, which will deter people from asking me what mine mean, because no one will have the time to get into it.

From the socially inept guy to the guy who can't keep it in his pants, it's a wonder to me how anyone meets their dream guy on this thing.

It's nice to talk to a guy that doesn't interrupt the flow you've set.

This guy seemed to pull some stream-of-consciousness shit and literally just typed exactly what he's thinking.

(Note: must be a real doctor, not a dermatologist.)Someone with Fourteen Twitter Followers He knows what Twitter is, and he has an account, but he always forgets about it because the app's on the fourth screen of his i Phone.

But this guy was able to match my wit I like to open with spunky conversation starters, especially ones that rhyme. It's the writer in me.)Clearly, this guy didn't disappoint.

He's spunky and unafraid to combat my rhyme with some rhyme on his own.

It's because I'm trying to date people who don't have a raw, gaping wound where their sense of self should be, which causes them to seek validation through dating exclusively super-hot women.

(This seems like a good litmus test, because I work in comedy and have heard of "Kids in the Hall," although, to be honest, if you told me any of the following people were in "Kids in the Hall," I would believe you: Rick Moranis, John Candy, Eugene Mirman, Eugene Levy, Stephen Colbert.)A Doctor Who Never Talks About Being a Doctor I like the idea of dating someone with a fancy job that actually helps people, but I do not care about the human body, so I would prefer that he never talk to me about it.

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